Curious George and the Mid-East Crisis
by The Cynic
Summary: Everyone's favorite monkey -- er... President... tries to deal with those nasty old Middle East dudes.


It was a beautiful sunny day on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, and Curious George was enjoying it the best he could. The little monkey frolicked on the lawn of the White House, gleefully capering and scaring the small children on their way to school. "Ya'll mamas!" he yelped in his pronounced Texas drawl, which of course, everyone knows is the best state in the Union. Curious George had already had a wonderful morning, in which he executed several criminals, only two of which were innocent. Mark Rich, previously pardoned by Bad Ol' Bill, was not going to escape justice during his time in office.  
  
Curious George's curiosity sometimes got him in trouble, though, like when he was too curious about what little kids had in their pants, and also how the money in the bank left the bank. The public wasn't all that fond of Curious George, but they had to put up with him for another four years, anyway.  
  
Curious George sniffed at a beautiful flower, before turning a happy somersault on the bright green lawn. "Mrs. Curious George!" he exclaimed, "..Is it not a beautiful day?" His wife, although she was pretty busy lobbying for education rights and reading, allowed him a tired though understanding smile. She knew about his problems, and was quite tolerant of Curious George's mental retardation and below-average cranial capacity. "I am so very happy," Curious George gloated, "I'm so happy that Boring Al didn't win the elections. He doesn't know how to have fun."  
  
"Yes, dear," Mrs. Curious George replied without looking up.  
  
Suddenly, a frantic intern (male, of course) rushed out of the pristine White House, waving a piece of paper at Curious George, who was frightened and hid behind a lawn chair. "It's a mean monster, Mrs. Curious George!" he exclaimed, cowering behind the wicker furniture.  
  
"No, dear. It's only an intern," Mrs. Curious George told him.  
  
"Oh, yes. How silly of me!" yelped Curious George, emerging from his safe hidey-hole. "I am sorry, Mr. Pasty-Faced intern. Do you have news for me?" The intern was not happy about being called pasty-faced, but seeing as Curious George was the High Supreme President, despite securing the throne of the United States of America in illegal manners, he could not say anything. Instead, Mr. Pasty-faced intern was forced to smile and nod.  
  
"Mr. Pres—" he began, then stopped. You see, Curious George did not like being referred to as President. "Curious George, Curious George, Mr. Arafat says he's going to bomb Mr. Barak's ass into tiny little infidel smithereens!! They're trading barrages of insults and thermonuclear weapons!!! Only you can save us!!!" Mr. Pasty-Faced intern, unfortunately, used too many big words, and Curious George started to cry.  
  
"Whhhhy do you make me feel dumb all the time?" he drawled, tears welling up in his big brown eyes. "Nuke-y-u-lar? Ar-rat-fat? Who are these people? What's going on? Why are you so mean? You were wrong, Mrs. Curious George, it is a mean monster after all! And he has a bad case of acne!!"  
  
Mrs. Curious George looked sadly at the intern. "He's very delicate--"  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"He's very delicate, and I'm afraid you've upset him. Curious George, Mr. Barak is the head of that tiny little country that's smaller than Maryland. And Mr. Arafat is in charge of the people that are never happy with the land they're given. They want to hurt each other!"  
  
Curious George brightened. "I get it now!" He stared pensively off into the distance, a pensively thoughtful figure in command. Then Curious George smiled at Mrs. Curious George. "Great!! Can I have a banana?"  
  
Mrs. Curious George sighed.  
  
----------  
  
In the conference room, Curious George and his cabinet were holding a council of war. Everyone was there, even Mr. Ashy-top, fresh from his latest forays into the Supreme Court, sat glaring, and the Colin, champion of the digestive system, plotted his plan of attack. He was, after all, a former General. Curious George called the meeting to attention by hooting and thumping his chest. Uncle Ben's Rice informed him that this was behavior for silverback gorillas, and he was only an ape. "Oh," Curious George replied, abashed.  
  
They talked about the problems that were escalating, before Curious George decided that only he could mediate the conflict, á la a former President. Not Bad Ol' Bill, of course. Because he was bad and immoral. Ashy-top said so. Anyway! Curious George was on his way to the Middle East, although the flight scared him and he attacked a flight attendant. The Pasty-faced Intern had to pull him away from the poor woman, who smiled and patted him on the head. You couldn't expect much from Curious George, after all.  
  
"Mr.. Mr.. First Guy!" Curious George exclaimed, while hopping off of the plane. Mr. Barak smiled at him and let Curious George sit on his shoulder, which made the little monkey very happy indeed. And because he was curious, George asked lots of questions about nuke-y-u-lar missiles, which Mr. Barak was very worried about. Curious George didn't understand why at first, but then Mrs. Curious George sounded out the difficult words for him and that was okay. "I get it!!" He really didn't but no one had the heart to tell him.  
  
Mr. Second Guy wasn't as nice, and he got angry when Curious George had an accident. That embarrassed him, so he was inclined to be nicer to Mr. Barak. Mr. Bark also took him on tours of all the nice places in his country, like stands where you could buy bananas and also this big wall thing that everyone made a big deal out of. The other people, let by Mr. Second Guy, didn't have anything quite as impressive, though they did have a lot of machine guns and crazy suicide bombers and stuff.  
  
There was a fireworks show while Curious George was there, or so he thought, but Mr. Barak explained that the fireworks were actually these neat things called scuds, and that they were bad. Curious George didn't believe him though, because he was too smart for that. Scud was obviously a mad up word, and Curious George was much better at making them up. It was his hobby, and his favorite was hoodildandy.  
  
Curious George had lots of time to do fun stuff like explore this tiny little country, and he got to go in all the secret bunker places that they hid underground. Because he was curious, he examined every nook and cranny. There was even a nice shiny big red button. "What does that do?" he asked happily.  
  
"DON'T TOUCH THAT BUTT----" Mr. First Guy yelled, but it was too late.  
  
BOOM. 


End file.
